Harmonious Minds And Accordant Hearts

Hello Once Again Audience

So what has happened in the past few months? For the first time in quite a while I actually get to say something other than ‘not a lot’. It’s been a very exciting time to be me.

First of all, I have a job! I work in the housing department of the local council, which so far has been both revelatory and fascinating. I remember the day I found the posting online I said to a friend that it felt like I was being called to it; this is still my belief. I’m not sure why I’ve been called there, but I’m sure I’ll find out eventually.

The second big thing to happen lately was our annual Hub Church weekend away to Centre Parcs, which just so happened to also mark the year point of my joining Hub fulltime. And whilst the worship, the teaching and the fellowship were all amazingly on point, none of that was the highlight for me. During worship in the Saturday evening session I kept getting all these inspirations. Maybe it was my mind finally finishing a year of calculations; maybe it was God speaking to me, but I knew something was going on, so I made my apologies for missing the pub quiz and sought out the one place I knew I could have some one on one quiet time with God – the chalet.

A lot of what went down that night I shall leave out, but I pretty much gave myself to God that night in a way I’ve never done or felt before, to the point that I ended up on my knees sobbing my eyes out. Imagine that, a 24 year old on his knees in a dark forest crying. It’s the kind of thing you see in films, so if anyone saw me, heavens knows what they must have thought was going on.

That then led to last night where I had a (deep breath) reaffirmation of baptismal vows by full immersion. It was an amazingly spiritual evening, and I feel a significant celebration for me and I was delighted to have, in one way or another, representatives from pretty much every corner of my Christian life, but more importantly, the people who have been most significant on my path this past year. Baptism is truly a dying and rebirth moment; one where whatever came before doesn’t matter. It’s an event that permeates every fiber of one’s being and transcends the fabric of the space-time continuum itself. Whilst I wasn’t rebaptised, which isn’t actually possible anyway, it did very much feel like a corner had been turned. Like I’d finished a volume of my life and the next one was waiting to be started.

Between these two events, Centre Parcs and my reaffirmation, it truly feels like my will and God’s will are, possibly for the first time ever, in agreement. Actually, I don’t necessarily believe that. I think it’s more that for the first time ever I have truly said to God ‘you lead, I’ll follow’. It’s like for my whole life I’ve been going on a road trip with God. Except whilst God has been giving me directions, I’ve been at the helm, ultimately deciding where we go. And now it feels like I’ve pulled over and changed places so that God is doing the driving. After all, He knows where I’m going far better than I do. Now sure, there will be times where I’m likely to ask him to take a detour, or take scenic route, or simply stop at a drive thru, but I think that now I trust Him and his direction.

In light of all this, I’m excited to announce the next chapter on my faith walk. It’s something I’ve been discussing with a few trusted friends for several months and we all came to the conclusion that I’m now ready to undertake this next step. So, as of January I will begin studying theology at St Mellitus College. Now, I’m only doing the Beginning Theology course, but even so I feel, like with my new job, that God is calling me there. And again I’m not sure of His purpose. In my youth I courted the idea of ministry, perhaps He still has that in mind, perhaps it is simply just to expand my knowledge of Him, His word and how His actions affect our lives, perhaps it’s simply that he knows I enjoy learning and reading theology, and discussing it, and has decided to let me indulge that particular fascination.

Or perhaps it doesn’t matter either way. Gone now are the times where I try and figure out the ‘why is God doing this?’ now instead I choose to concentrate on ‘what is God doing?’ and see how that impacts me and changes me into the man he wants me to be. Because where I once believed, I now know. The man I want to be is the man God wants me to be, so if He wants to show me a better way to make that man come to pass, I will not complain.

I’ve gotten into the habit of signing off with well wishes and thanks and all that malarkey. I won’t do that today. You’re all ruddy brilliant, and I love you all.

Safety, Peace and Love

-Connor